My day always starts with a brief foray to a nearby coffee shop where I buy a bucket of black coffee and plug it in to the IV.  I'm a coffee snob when I have the option, favoring single origin coffees from the Middle East and Northern Africa, but any liquid resembling coffee will do in a pinch.  I'm not really the sort to hang out at coffee shops, but you hear people talking, or read the little flyers while waiting in line. 

 

All I can really say is god damn.  Were I to sit down and think of a list of political issues regarding coffee, I would probably come up with tarriffs and. . .  Well that's pretty much it.  Perhaps I'm not well-suited to considering such heady issues

 

Fortunately for the world there is a whole mess of people out there who have nothing better to do than come up with <strike>idiot</s trike> revolutionary ideas.  I suspect these are the same people who decided dancing about with long ribbons and synchronized diving would make super Olympic sports.

 

They puzzled out the real issues facing the world of coffee and came up with some bell ringers.

 

1.  Fair Trade Coffee:  Coffee merchants cut out the middle man and buy coffee direct from the farmer for a minimum price of $1.26 per pound.  It's good for the farmers I guess.  And I'm all for it if coffee bought directly from the farmer at $1.26 per pound costs me less than coffee bought from an import agent.  On the other hand, I don't care to drink socialist coffee.  I want my coffee to carry the nutty undertones of free market capitalism.

 

2.  Sustainable Coffee Farms:  A "sustainable" farm is one where "sustainable coffee is coffee grown in a manner that is kind to the environment and its people."  This includes but is not limited to "reuse coffee husks as heating fuel rather than cutting down eucalyptus trees.  They will plant new trees for those used during heating, or implement pollution free coffee dryers . . ." and "They promote education programs, provide medical care for workers, and provide decent wages and working conditions for their employees."  Color me wowed.  I would have thought a sustainable coffee farm is one that engages in farming techniques that permit it to continue growing coffee.

 

3.  Organic Coffee:  Most folks by now should be aware of the anomalous 'organic' title.  Food grown without things like pesticides, herbicides, fertilizers.  I um. . . don't care.  Coffee needs to be black and caffeinated.  Grow it in such a way that it meets those conditions and I'm satisfied.

 

4.  Bird Friendly Shade Grown Coffee:  Apparently birds like coffee too.  But they're bigger snobs than I am.  They only want coffee as long as there is shade nearby.  So, to make the birds happy it's better to grow coffee in the middle of the forest where the birds can get their daily dose of caffeine.  Hey, I'm willing to share a bean or two with the birds.  But in the end the <strike>spice</s trike> coffee must flow.  Don't get too comfy, birds.